I skipped work to stalk him.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
