billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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