They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
