you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
