What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
