i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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