Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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