the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
