Just cropdusted the office
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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