I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
