it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize