whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
