It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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