Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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