Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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