Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
