Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize