What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
