Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
