I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
