he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
