you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How does one acquire holy water?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
