I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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