i barfeds in our rink
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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