I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
