He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your penis caused this!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize