She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
