what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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