I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
