grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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