my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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