I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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