I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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