My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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