i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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