I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize