Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
