Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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