Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
