you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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