my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
