had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
