genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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