it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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