i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
