Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
