I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
