I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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