when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Randomize
