dude i'm inner monologue high
She announced her abortion via fbk
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
