my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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