Betty ford says i'm here all night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
