I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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