If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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