I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
