dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
