What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
