these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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