stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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