ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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