Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
