lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
