I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize