Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
