Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
