By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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