just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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