oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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