I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Found the puke drawer
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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