i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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