How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
