so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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