guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
