so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize