I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize