Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
