did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
