Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
