____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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