If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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