tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize