This girl is more easily done than said...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
