I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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