I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
