One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize