barbara walters just said penis...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
