I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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