I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize