i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
