He uses pillows to masturbate.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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