garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hell yes lets make some ravioli
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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