Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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