My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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