did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
