maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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