I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
