Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
