It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
