Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
