sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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