I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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